Fear. He really is a Liar.

My struggle with depression and anxiety hit a peak this summer.  In conjunction with my physical health (and issues I am dealing with) and circumstances which were deeply disappointing, I found myself in a pit of despair and after fighting it off for some time, I just let it wash over me.

But here’s the thing.  Most of my anxiety was driven by fear.  My anxiety really amps up my depression, so being able to look back and see that fear was driving it all made me understand so much m ore clearly that Fear really is a liar.

We love the new song by Zach Williams.  When it comes on the radio, most of us in my family chime in and sing along.  In fact, we’ve taken to resorting to quoting it when we catch our kids telling half-truths.  {Only because, being the wise parents we are, we interchange our kids’ name with the word “fear.”  t usually contributes to some honesty, so it has proven effective.}

It is hard for me to admit to depression.  I am a bootstrap kind of girl who can get her head on straight, think positive and “just keep swimming.”

Notice anything there?  Yeah, me too.  It’s a bit much about doing too much myself and NOT putting my faith in God.  It’s a vicious cycle and it always takes me to a place of exhaustion, stress, and yes, depression.

All these positive vibes, uplifting self talks, and meaningful mantras are really just empty because they keep fueling me to attempt to live my life in my own strength and do things my own way.  I fail every time.  Every. Single. Time. 

My pit of despair is really just a tool that God uses to speak to me.  When I’m too tired of trying to do everything all by myself, can’t lift my head, and want to give up on everything – I can finally hear HIS voice.  Y’all.  I am so hard-headed and so hard hearted sometimes, it is utterly shameful.

But God.  He is just patient and faithful.  My word for 2018 is “Joy” and now I am seeing why He spoke that to me.  It’s because He wants me to stop trying so darn hard to do everything all myself an rest in His strength and stand in His grace.  Fear is a liar.  Jesus is the Truth.

Whatever you are facing in your life – that impossible circumstance, that endless struggle, the ongoing disappointments and those overwhelming feelings of failure, the growing darkness – if you feel like you can’t take one more step, or one more breath.  Remember this:  fear is a liar and Truth can change everything!

           The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7/365 at                 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Your call is free and confidential.
Worried someone you know might be suicidal? You can #BeThe1To help. Here are 5 steps to #BeThe1To help someone in crisis